


bulletproof love

by kyokyou



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Bulletproof Love, M/M, Pierce The Veil - Freeform, SHINee - Freeform, So much angst, bling bling lol, jongkey - Freeform, kpop, pierce the veil bulletproof love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 23:03:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7733230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyokyou/pseuds/kyokyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>key wakes up one morning with the sad wash over of regret.</p><p> </p><p>Key uses his thumb to ooze out more blood because the color soothes him, and then presses harder, oozes out more and just watches the blood <i>dripdripdrip</i> into the pale white sink. He smears the blood on the shirt and puts the needle away, then rips the button off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bulletproof love

**Author's Note:**

> title from pierce the veil's song title: bulletproof love. basically this fic is inspired by this song. go listen to it if you haven't. it's wickedly good and manages to tug at your heartstrings. 
> 
> (beta'd by tiffany, thanks fany.)
> 
> thanks so much for reading <3

Key wakes up one morning with the sad wash of regret over him, and he isn't sure if it's the dawn of realization or the final slap of acknowledgement, coming to term that he's all alone now.  
  
All alone, he turns to his left and sees no Jonghyun. He turns again to his right and there's still no Jonghyun. Maybe he can find him in his dreams.  
  
He falls asleep moments later, dreaming of a world where Kim Jonghyun's existence is ceased of.  
  
  
It's been months, maybe even a year since his heart broke, but it isn't anything surprising; Key kind of saw it coming, they were both very in _love_ and they were also guys. _Normal_ couples don't last long in a relationship, (regardless of age) what say his that they would have made it? But then again Key wonders _what is normal?_  
  
He fishes out a cigarette (marlboros, iceblast), stuffs it in his mouth and lights the other end. He doesn't forget to squeeze the cigarette slightly between the end (and only lets go after he hears a 'pop' sound) to inhale deeper of the iciness and feels his lungs broaden at that.  
  
He takes his time with the cigarette and watches the end light up in fiery orange and then dying the next in shades of gray and finds himself rather fascinated by it.  
  
Key promptly throws the finished cigarette to the ground after it's short enough to burn his fingers and stomps angrily on the stub. He doesn't quite get where his anger stems from, probably because he's a hypocrite; he hates inhaling second hand smoke yet he smokes.  
  
Key likes to refer himself as a mood smoker, and never has more then ten sticks at any one time in six months, at of which he doesn't necessarily smokes them at all, or smokes them all at once.  
  
  
He remembers the first time he sees Jonghyun light up a cigarette, it seems easy and Key is desperate to impress, so he hastily prods a stick from Jonghyun. The texture feels foreign on his fingers and then places the cigarette gingerly between his lips. Fumbling with the lighter, he eventually gives up and tosses it back to the older, where he inhales deeply (key can see the rise and fall on his shoulders) and exhales smoke.  
  
Jonghyun laughs a little at the scene and gently removes the cigarette from Key's mouth, telling him that, "You should purse your lips, or you'd damp the cig."  
  
Key goes back home that night knowing how to smoke.  
  
  
He remembers Jonghyun breathing heavily on him, and once exceptionally close when he blows the smoke into his face. Key no longer coughs but he doesn't breathe in the air; he feels sorry for his lungs. By then, he's had a few sticks but it's nothing dramatic; there's no ridiculous choking on the first puff and there's no maniac monstrous flip of personality after the first puff either. He says "no" perfectly fine to whomever (even jjong, and _especially_ jjong) when offered cigarettes.  
  
Though it is when Jonghyun quits smoking, Key starts.  
  
  
  
Addiction, Key realizes, or probably more of a hypothetical theory, that it is merely just how the mind play tricks on the brain. They think they need it, but they don't. It's like how Key thought he was addicted to smoking (and Jonghyun) but proved isn't so when he goes by fine without cigarettes at all for months, he doesn't even think about it. Merely out of comfort (or exhilaration), he notes.  
  
However Jonghyun on the other hand, Key knows for sure he isn't addicted to him.  
  
He just fell for him.  
  
Key isn't sure moving in with Jonghyun is a good idea when the latter excitedly tells him about how his parents are getting a flat for him (for his independence) and how Key should definitely move in _because_ , then Jonghyun grins coyly at him and raises an eyebrow.  
  
"And then I'll wake up every day to your beautiful face." Jonghyun smiles faintly. Key almost skips a heartbeat and wonders if falling in love with Kim Jonghyun is a limitless thing and he'd probably go deeper and deeper.  
  
Sure, it could be a good idea.  
  
But it turns out Key was right.  
  
They have their very first (real, loud voices, door slamming, fists curled) fight which erupted from a very minor issue, yet with serious setbacks from before and one outburst led to another and it ended in Jonghyun hurling his fist against the wall and Key slamming the front door.  
  
They don't speak for days and Key doesn't go back either, which he bunks in (apologetically) with Minho and waits for Jonghyun to call, to apologize. Well fuck that, Key doesn't really care about the fight anymore he just wants to hear Jonghyun's voice, misses his smiles like crazy and his kisses and hugs and he just misses Jonghyun entirely. Minho comments briefly that "it's fucking normal for couples to fight, it's not normal when you _don't_." _so get your ass back already._ and Key scowls at him.  
  
But Key lets his man pride get in the way and dismisses the idea of taking the initiative instead. The " _why-should-i-do-it_ " voice overpowered the _"why shouldn't i_ " very much and it isn't until two weeks that Minho is sick of Key's bitchfits (of trivial matters and Jonghyun) that he locks him out of the house, deliberately driving him back home.  
  
("It's your first fight and you're taking two weeks to fucking make up. You don't come to me if any fights happen again, I don't want to be involved in any murder accomplice shit, or clear Jonghyun's body." Key slaps him hard on the back in response.)  
  
  
It ends up in Key ringing the bell before he changes his mind and wanting to slap his own face, but when Jonghyun opens the door, sees the look on his face and doesn't even think.  
  
A brief moment of silence stretches between them, between Key looking both sheepish and grumpy and Jonghyun looked surprised and somewhat dazed.  
  
After it has struck Jonghyun that _hey kibum is finally back_ , another few moments, he hastily throws his arms over Key's neck and literally tows him back in the apartment and hugs him so _so_ tight Key almost loses his breath. Key chokes back in tears, happy tears, and berates himself for being a damn idiot for not coming back earlier and they both speak at the same time.  
  
" _Sorry_."  
  
Jonghyun murmurs in Key's ears, desperate and raspy, worry and pain dripping heavily in his voice. Key says it with guilt and relief, he has happiness mixed a little in it as well; he's too darn glad to be back in Jonghyun's arms.  
  
And they stay like that, entwined in an embrace that probably lasted forever, nothing else mattered.  
  
  
Except forever, which isn't a measure of time, but a figure of speech. If there is forever, then Key is sure there is something else _above_ that because it doesn't take him long to notice their relationship fizzling and draining yet again.  
  
"Touch me." Key says suddenly halfway through a chick flick, the lights off and atmosphere set just right but Jonghyun replies, "What?" with an incredulous tone. Six weeks ago if they sat through a movie like that Key doesn't even have to whisper or least bit make a sound - Jonghyun would have his hands all over the younger, fingers threading Key's hair, kissing him wildly.  
  
"Kiss me," Key tries again, his voice somewhat monotonous and his eyes doesn't even leave the screen.  
  
Key sees from his peripheral vision that Jonghyun eyes him weirdly and promptly inches closer. It isn't awkward, but it's not _natural_ either.  
  
Jonghyun pecks on his cheek so lightly, Key whips his head around just to make sure. They're inches apart and gazes lock, breaths heavily against each other melding into one. Key has never felt so intense in his life. He isn't sure if it's a strain in their relationship or that it had evolved into a stage of comfort, but it's scary, because they just stare into each other's eyes and neither of them speaks.  
  
It's as if it's taboo to make a move, to taste their own lover and Key doesn't remember how it has gotten so _difficult_.  
  
Jonghyun breaks the moment, gently presses his lips against Key's.  
  
Then simply pulls away.  
  
Key reaches for his collar and shoves him back again and kisses him slowly, then hungrily, devouring his lips and the kiss becomes messy, tongue and all, Key's hands tracing urgently on Jonghyun's body.  
  
Jonghyun sheds his shirt away easily then proceeds to yank Key's off, fumbles with their zipper and a soft moan escapes from Key's mouth into their kisses as Jonghyun brushes lightly the back of his hand against Key's cock.  
  
Desperation seeps through their actions, overlapping passion and love and they end up fucking on the couch, hot and loud, altogether forgoing the lube and coming together, screaming names and spluttering moans, and the kisses don't stop.  
  
  
Exactly a week later, Jonghyun moves out, (it was more of Key waking up to an empty house and a note) and Key deliberates returning the flat back to his parents but Minho wouldn't let him bunk in.  
  
Key ends up living in the apartment, and calling it _home_ , as ironic as it can get because he doesn't feel the warmth or happiness boiling in him nor does he feels empty towards the house. He doesn't feel anything; that's the problem.  
  
  
  
Key brushes his teeth and stares blankly at the reflection and flashes back when he isn't used to being alone (because there was always Jonghyun, Jonghyun and his smiles, Jonghyun and his kisses) and remembers fumbling angrily with a button that came off loose, trying his best to sew it back on because it was a present from Jjong and so he needs to fix it, fix it right, fix it back properly again.  
  
Anger pulses through him and he pricks his index accidentally (a string of curses get voiced out) and halts for a minute to just to check the wound. It's nothing much really, just a tiny hole with reds forming slowly and Key uses his thumb to ooze out more blood because the color soothes him, and then presses harder, oozes out more and just watches the blood _dripdripdrip_ into the pale white sink.  
  
He smears the blood on the shirt and puts the needle away, then rips the button off. He washes the shirt only two days later and leaves it in his closet to rot, with the missing second button and smeared blood stain on the top right corner a reminder to himself, that sometimes, some things are best left unfixed because they just can't be.  
  
  
  
Key splashes water on his face to get his brain working but instead it fires more thoughts and he's thinking all the wrong things right now. He spends half an hour picking what to wear (there's nothing much to impress at work anyway), with twenty minutes staring at the shirt Jonghyun got for him and lost in thoughts (the past, really) and ten minutes piecing everything together and leaves for work after another five minutes.  
  
Putting his shoes on, he remembers that his car was sent for servicing, which means he has to join the massive disgusting work crowd at public transport and draws out a long sigh. _Perfect way to start the day_ , he jabs in his earpiece and blasts some post-hardcore.  
  
Yet the more he tries to drown his thoughts out, the louder they get and it doesn't take long before Key returns to the September of last year, when it had just been about two months or so after Jonghyun had left.  
  
  
  
Key is horrid at masking his feelings, or maybe actually very good at it, because he doesn't break, doesn't break but only does when it's a nine-thirty on a Wednesday night and he speed dials Jonghyun's number. (He wants to laugh at this bitter reality, but he's long since run out of mirth)  
  
He's actually surprised when the line connects, but his heart breaks a second time when an unfamiliar (male and soft-spoken) voice answers it. Key doesn't consider the possibility that probably Jonghyun had changed his number, doesn't consider that maybe it's a brother he never had or even a mere friend because he has all the right reasons not to.  
  
"Hello?" He repeats.  
  
"May I speak to Jonghyun," Key tries not to let his voice waver.  
  
"Sure, hold on."  
  
He hears the shuffle of sheets and Key wants to smash the phone to pieces.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Now Key wants to kill Jonghyun for sounding so normal, for sounding so goddamn fucking _okay_ when here he is, left all alone with an apartment that doesn't even _belong_ to him and what does that make him? Is that even a fucking apology? Because Key doesn't accept it in the least.  
  
And before he realizes it, he has the phone on loud speaker and doesn't recall placing it on the floor (but it is) and everything he had thought was aloud. He finally stops and huffs, and a dead dull dial greets him back on the other line.  
  
Key wants to kill him. He wants to kill Kim Jonghyun, he wants him to die a terrible death because it isn't _fair_.  
  
Life is fine, people aren't; people aren't fair.  
  
  
  
A jolt on his shoulder snaps Key back to reality as busy passengers flood out of the bus and Key rolls his eyes. He doesn't care he's going to carry out car-pooling with Minho the next time he doesn't have his car.  
  
His phone buzzes and Key reads his text:  
  
_idk why but jh is here in the building_  
  
and another text several seconds later:  
  
_right now._  
  
and another:  
  
_not alone_  
  
Key jabs the keypads ten times harder than he should be and caps lock:  
  
_DON'T FUCKING SPAM._  
  
He receives another text moments later, the first smile of the morning breaking on his face, and he mentally notes to strangle Minho later.  
  
  
_It's more dramatic yeah?_  
  
_Fuck you._  
  
_Anytime babe._  
  
  
  
"No, this isn't fair--"  
  
"Don't you try to blame this on _me_ , what the fuck are you trying to imply?" Key hollers.  
  
Jonghyun throws the glass he held in his hand towards the sink and Key raises his voice. "Oh great yes, take it upon an innocent fucking glass cup. Real mature Jonghyun."  
  
"I'm immature? Then what about you? You're being unreasonable." Jonghyun slams his palm on the counter top.  
  
Key furrows his brows and his shoulders heave upwards, "You're fucking unbelievable." Key spits, eyes turning to hateful slits.  
  
  
It really shouldn't be, but it is the very first thing that floods to Key's mind, when he's striding in the office and all he can think is shit, _latelatelate_ , when he looks up and suddenly catches onto Jonghyun. Jonghyun looks back at him and whatever he is about to say dies in his throat. It flashes back to their very last fight and the very last memory Key has of Jonghyun before he moved out.  
  
He sees a taller but slender-framed guy next to him, fairly young in comparison and a pretty smile plastered on his face. He doesn't notice the shift in dynamics when Jonghyun suddenly stops talking, and stares at what would be in his eyes, a stranger.  
  
If he had known, Key would have wore the very same shirt with the missing second button and blood smear but didn't. He wants to see Jonghyun's face break and his mask crack and crumble but it's too bad today's probably not the day.  
  
Yet the face falling is definitely something Key enjoyed indulging in as of the time being.  
  
The look Jonghyun wears is indecipherable but Key doesn't bother wrecking his precious brain cells to figure. He wasted (and probably is still wasting) too much time on Kim Jonghyun, who brought him misery and pain.  
  
He breaks the eye contact and clenches his teeth, adjusts his collar and grips the handle of his bag tighter, and proceeds towards the lift, disregarding Jonghyun and his stares, and the unfamiliar blur of a pretty face next to him.  
  
  
In the lift Key fishes his phone out and sees several texts from both Minho and Jinki (his boss) and ignores Minho's retarded messages. It is then he catches the date: 31st December.  
  
He still remembers two years back on 31st December, when they celebrated their one year anniversary (and Jonghyun whispers, "and many more to come" and bites his earlobe playfully). Key let's out a humorless dry laugh and shoves his phone back into his pocket.  
  
Well, look at where they are today.  
  
Key's love for Jonghyun was bulletproof, but Jonghyun was the one who shot him.

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually an old work, written back in 2012 (LOL). i wrote this with the idea of key waking up one day and having all this crazy thoughts - and flashbacks - of him and jonghyun when they were together, good and bad times and this moves from present day (waking up, brushing his teeth, picking his clothes, on the bus, reaching the building) to flashbacks of the past. any !confusion feel free to comment below and i'll enlighten u ^^
> 
> also, i did another version on the pairing GTOP (gd/top - bigbang). i'll post it up soon!


End file.
